Impanuro

NI GUTE WARAMBANA N'UMUKUNZI WAWE? SOBANUKIRWA



Twandikire kuri




Hari abantu benshi bahora bibona nk’aho batajya bagira amahirwe mu rukundo, igihe cyose bakundanye ntibimare kabiri! ndetse bamwe batangira kugira abo bahimbira ko babatera umwaku kandi byahe biragatabwa.

Tuzi twese ko kugirango urukundo rw’abantu babiri bakundana (ndavuga umusore n’inkumi) rurambe kandi rukomere, habamo ubufasha bw’Imana ariko na none natwe tugomba kugira uruhare mu burambe bw’urukundo rwacu, ibyo rero bihera ku buryo usanzwe ubana n’abantu, ariko na kamere usanganywe iba ifite uruhare runini ku mahirwe make cyangwa menshi uzagira mu rukundo rwawe n’umusore cyangwa inkumi.

Ubushize naberetse uburyo umukobwa ashobora kubwira cyangwa kwereka umusore ko amukeneyeho urukundo, ubu noneho ngiye kubagira inama 7 z’uburyo urukundo rwawe rushobora kuramba ukava mu guhora umarana n’inshuti amezi abiri gusa waba uri umukobwa cyangwa umusore.

1. Kuva mu rukundo rw’umuriro ugurumana ukajya ku rukundo rutuje kandi rufite gahunda nziza

Iyo mugitangira gukundana muba mwumva mufite urukundo rufite ibirimi by’umuriro, mutwika ikibakozeho cyose! mbese hamwe wumva mugenzi wawe nta kindi yakora uretse kukwicara iruhande, urwo rukundo ruramutse rukomeje gutyo ntirwaramba cyane. Gukunda bimara igihe, bisaba kumenya kugenda uva kuri iryo tanura mu mezi ya mbere ugenda uganisha ku rukundo rushyira mu gaciro kandi rutagambiriye kwiyamamaza, hahandi buri wese aba atangiye kumva no kwemera ko atandukanye na mugenzi we kandi akubaha iryo tandukaniro kuko abantu badashobora gutera kimwe. Muri make ugomba gukunda mugenzi wawe uko ateye kose atari ukumukundira gusa kuza kuzuza ibyo ubuze wamara kubibona ukamutera ishoti !

2.Rekera aho kumva ko mu rukundo rwa mwembi inyungu zawe arizo zigomba kubanza

Kugirango mwizere uburambe bw’urukundo rwanyu, mugomba kugenda murema buhoro buhoro imibanire ya couple ntangarugero, aho umwe agira uburyo abyitwaramo ariko undi nawe agasanga yiyumvamo ubwo buryo bwa mugenzi we.Mbese ugakunda uwo mubano wanyu nk’uko ukunda mugenzi wawe cyangwa wikunda nawe ubwawe.

3. Emera Kwishyira ukizana kwa mugenzi wawe(liberté)

Nyabuneka emera ko mugenzi wawe umumenye akuze kandi ko aho yinyujije hose utari uri kumwe nawe. Igihe mumaze gukundana rero wishaka noneho kumuzirika ngo umuheze umwuka ntutume akomeza gusabana n’inshuti ze bashobora kuba barananyuranye mu bundi buzima bukomeye utazi. Igihe utangiye gushaka ko avugana cyangwa agendana n’abo uzi cyangwa ushaka gusa, ndakurahiye urwo rukundo ushaka ni wowe urimo kuruniga! Ha mugenzi wawe icyizere, nawe niba agukunda ntazaguhemukira kandi nawe ni mukuru azi ubwenge.

4. Ganira bitomoye na mugenzi wawe(communication claire)

Gukunda mugenzi wawe ntibivuze ko wowe wiyanga, ni ngombwa ko uganiriza umukunzi wawe ugaragaza udaciye ku ruhande ibyifuzo byawe, ibyiyumviro, kandi ukirinda kuvangira imibanire ye n’abandi(aha ntibivuze ko utamucyebura igihe atangiye kurengera ariko nabwo ukabikora mu kinyabupfura). Iyo kandi ni inzira nziza yo gufasha umukunzi wawe kumenya aho uhagaze n’urwego ugezeho bityo bikamworohera nawe kukubwira byose atishisha.

5. Garagaza ubushake bwo kugumana nawe(simvuga kugumana nawe mwicaranye mu gashyamba)!

Hejuru yo kuba mukundana urukundo rutuje, kumarana igihe kini mukundana bigaburira neza imishinga yanyu, bituma muhora muhuriza inyungu zanyu ahantu hamwe(nta wihagararaho ngo yange kuva kw’izima), ndetse biranaborohera guhangana n’inzitizi muhura nazo kuko muba mufatanyije.Kumarana igihe rero byubaka icyizere gikomeye kuko buri wese aba abona undi amufitiye akamaro kanini, kandi burya umubano umaze igihe biragoye ko bamwe baba babafitye amashyari babasha kuwusenya biboroheye.

6. Jya ugerageza kugira ibitekerezo bishya mu mubano wanyu

Kugirango wirinde imitego yo kuba mu buzima bumwe(routine), kora uko ushoboye nka nyuma y’igihe runaka ugire agashya wazana mu mubano wanyu kandi ntugatinye kumutungura(surprise) aha ntimukumve ko surprises ari ukuzimya amatara ukaririmba joyeux anniversaire gusa! ushobora gutunguza mugenzi wawe utuntu twinshi kandi duto ariko tukamushimisha cyane ku buryo bifasha kumarana igihe kinini mukundana. Niba ubishoboye jya ugerageza kumusetsa (simvuga kumukirigita nubwo nabyo haba igihe cyabyo) mbese uhorane imvugo ituma umuntu ahora yishimye, ujye umuha uduparu rimwe narimwe ariko atari buri saha, agomba kujya abikumbura akaba aribwo ubikora, kandi nko mu bihe byanyu byiza ujye umenya ibyo yifuza kandi ubyubahe ntushake gushyira imbaraga mu bintu kandi atabishaka.

7. Ntugatinye gufashwa

Burya inshuti zose ziba zitandukanye kuko buri wese aza afite amateka yanyuzemo. Kugirango rero ubashe kongera kuganira neza nka mbere, wongere wumve wishimiye couple yawe cyangwa ubashe kurenga ibigeragezo, ntutinye rwose kwakira ubufasha bw’inzobere. Rimwe na rimwe inama z’inzobere (nk’abahanga mu bya thérapie) zijya zibasha kuvanaho cyangwa guhindura imyumvire itari myiza abantu baba bafite ku bintu runaka ndetse izo nama zikaba zanafasho kongera kubyutsa urukundo rwanyu iyo rutangiye kugenda munzi y’ibirenge byanyu aho kugirango rubagaragare mu maso.

Ndizera neza ku igihe mushoboye kugera kuri ibi byose maze kubabwira, nta kabuza urukundo rwanyu ruzaba rutoshye pe! kandi nibigira icyo bikumarira ntuzatinye kuba wabitangamo ubuhamya kugirango bikomeze bifashe n’abandi.



Wednesday, May 19, 2010SOBANUKIRWA NO GUKUNA /GUCA IMYEYO
Twandikire kuri masegallican@gmail.com



Gukuna, ese byaba bigifite akamaro muri iki gihe?

posted on May , 13 2010 at 10H 03min 01 sec viewed 11444 times





Gukuna nibyo mu Kinyarwanda gisa n’igitsinda bita guca imyeyo. Uyu akaba ari umuhango wakorwaga kuva kera mu Rwanda rwo hambere, ukozwe n’abakobwa bakibyiruka, ngo bitegurira kuzaryohereza abagabo babo mu gihe cyo gutera urubariro. Ikirenze kuri ibi, cyane cyane ko nta makariso yabagaho, iyi mishino umukobwa yabaga yagwije ngo yari umwambaro. Mbese yahishaga ubwambure bwe.

Mbere yo kureba niba guca imyeyo bigifite akamaro no muri iki gihe, reka tubanze turebe uko kera byakorwaga. Ubundi mu Rwanda rwo hambere kugirango umukobwa akune yabibwirizwaga na bagenzi be. Abandi bakobwa. Cyangwa se akanabigana yifuza kumera nkabo. Muri icyo gihe, umukobwa ukiri muto bamubuzaga gukuna ngo bitazamuca umugongo cyangwa se akamera amabere hakiri kare. Kuko umwana w’umukobwa yatangiraga kwambara uruhu rugufi yikingaga ku gitsina atangiye kumera insya, icyo gihe nibwo yatangiraga kubwirizwa gukuna, mbese ageze mu bwangavu. Ni mu kigero cy’imyaka 12 na 13.

Bavuga ko uwo mwana w’umukobwa iyo yakunaga aribwo amabere ye nayo yatangiraga gututumba, akongera agasubirayo, akongera akagaruka. Muri ibyo bihe agahita abona n’imihango. Cyangwa se akajya i mugongo. Iyo yabaga ageze cya gihe cy’ubwangavu rero, nibwo wasangaga ba nyina wabo, ba nyirasenge, ba nyirarume na ba nyirakuru batangira kumushishikariza gukuna mu marenga. Bagatangira kumwivugishaho ngo “wowe ko utajyana n’abandi bakobwa guca imyeyo bite byawe?” Aha hakaba hashobora kuba ari naho havuye iri zina ryo guca imyeyo, aho kuvuga gukuna.

Iyo babonaga ashobora kuba adakuna, babwiraga abandi bakobwa ngo bazamusuzume barebe. Bakamubwira ngo aze kubaraza, maze ninjoro bakamukabakaba bakareba. Basanga adakuna, bakabibwira mama we, ubwo akamutonganya cyane. Abo anyuzeho bose muri wa muryango we bakamubwira ibyo, kugeza igihe akuniye bubi na bwiza.

Uko gukuna byakorwaga

Muri uku gukuna, abakobwa babaga bafite amagambo bavuga, bakagira ibyo bifashisha mu gukuna, ndetse bakagira n’ibyo baziririza. Mu gihe bageze aho bakunira, hiherereye hatagera izuba nko munsi y’umukingo, ahameze nk’ubuvumo, izuba ryaba rihagera kandi bakicara bariteye umugongo, kuko ngo iyo izuba ryakurasaga mu gitsina utagwizaga, ngo ryarenganaga n’ibintu byawe.

Bamara kuhagera bakiyambura, maze imyambaro bakayirekurira rimwe. Ibi babikoreraga ko ngo utanze abandi kwiyambura ariwe wabatangaga no kugwiza, kandi bose babaga bashaka kuzagwiriza rimwe. Iyo myambaro yabo rero bakayisasa bakayicarira, udashaka kuwicarira akareba ibiti bifite amababi manini akaba ariyo yicarira. Ngo cyaraziraga nta mukobwa wakunaga akenyeye.

Buri mukobwa yagombaga kuba afite ibikunisho. Muri ibi bikunisho hashoboraga kubamo intobo yokeje, wasigagaho ugakururisha ngo kugirango ugwize vuba. Intobo yasabaga gushinyiriza no kwihangana kuko iryana. Hari na none utundi tubabi tw’utwatsi dutandukanye abakobwa bashoboraga kuvangavanga, bakatureka tukuma noneho bakadusya tugahinduka ifu, ako gafu bakakavanga n’amavuta y’inka maze bagakunisha.

Tumwe muri utwo tubabi twarimo misunditatu, ngingwijana n’utundi. Abakobwa barangije gukuna bashoboraga no gukurakuza. Ibingibi kukaba kwari ugusiganaho ibitsina byabo (nk’abakora imibonano), babiri babiri, ngo umwe akaba ari kongerera mugenzi we. Iyo nanone babaga bageze nko ku ruzi, bashoboraga gufata inyagaruzi bakayishyira ku moko y’ibere ngo irirume hanyuma rizakure vuba.

Uretse uku gukuna bisanzwe, ngo hari n’indi mihango yakorwaga: Guhaguruka agasimbiza ya myenda yari yicariye ngo ibyo ni ugukuza ibintu bye ngo bijye ejuru. Hanyuma akunama cyane agakoza ibiganza hasi avuga amagambo bucece, agapfukama agakubita ku bibero bye akavuga andi bityo bityo.

Yarangizaga gukuna agakubita utugeri hasi akazamura agatsinsino akagakoza mu ntege ati “sindega ikicaro cy’undi ngo ahebe. Umukobwa arahanyura akanyongerera, n’umugore akahanyura akanyongerera. » Yarangiza akarundarunda neza ubwatsi yari yicariye agasubira muri ya magambo. Yarangizaga ibyo byose ngo akahabyinira akadiho yishimira ko yagwijije cyangwa se ko azagwiza vuba, ni uko ati “agati gaciye ntikabura izuba”.

Abakobwa benshi bagiye kurangiza guca imyeyo umwe yabwiraga undi ngo « amashyo n’amagana”, undi ati “amagana yuzukuruke imishino”. Maze bagataha. Bararangizaga bagahagurukira rimwe ntawe utanze undi ngo bazagwirize rimwe.

Uko abakobwa bakuna bapimaga imishino yabo ngo barebe ko yagwiriye. Bakoreshaga urutoki rwa musumbazose. Ugasanga hari ugifite agace k’ingingo, undi amaze kugira ingingo imwe cyangwa ebyiri, bityo bityo. Iyo imishino y’umukobwa yareshyaga n’urutoki rwe rwa musumbazose yabaga agwijije.

Gukuna muri iki gihe, ese byaba bigifite akamaro?

Muri iyi minsi ya vuba rero, aho abakobwa bambara bakiri bato, abagikuna ngo batangira gukuna bakiri bato, ku myaka irindwi n’umunani. Akenshi ugasanga babibavanye ku bakozi bo mu rugo ku babafite, cyangwa se ku banyeshuri bagenzi babo.

Usanga rero hari abantu benshi bakibaza niba gukuna byaba bifite akamaro. Tugendeye ku byavuzwe, ngirango wumvise ko abanyarwanda ba kera basaga n’abatekereza ko gukuna bifite akamaro ko gutuma umukobwa amera amabere, ko gutuma abona imihango, ko gutuma igitsina cye gitegurwa neza bityo akazaryohereza umugabo, ndetse no gutuma atambara ubusa, mbese iyo mishino ikamwambika.

Ikindi nanone, ngo iyi mishino yatumaga umugabo abasha kunyaza neza. Ibi byose, dukuyemo kwambara, usanga ubundi atari ibintu umuntu ashobora kugira icyo akora ngo bize. Ahubwo ni ibintu Imana yakoze, bizira igihe runaka wabishaka utabishaka, bitewe n’imisemburo iri mu mubiri iba itangiye gukora.

Ibi nibyo Mwarimu umwe wigisha ubuzima bw’imyororokere ku kigo cy’amashuri i Rushara yagerageje gusobanurira abanyeshuri yigishya muri aya magambo, « Nanjye abagore b’abarokore barambajije ngo utarabikoze ko adahama iy’umugabo, tubigenze gute, dukune, tubireke ? Utarakunnye usanga abandi bamutera ubwoba. Ubwo ariko naje kubona umugore ubyaye inshuro zirindwi atarakunnye kandi nta kibazo yigeze agirana n’umugabo, byaba kumushimisha byaba no mu kubyara, maze araza abaha ubuhamya. Ibi Imana yabikemuye mbere y’igihe.

Hari imisemburo iba mu mubiri, igihe cy’ubwangavu itangira gukora. Igatuma amabere akura, igatuma ama tailles aza, uko itegura aho ngaho akaba ari nako iyo misemburo itegura ibitsina. Urugero ni ihene igiye kwima. Aho isekurume iri bwinjirize haba hahindutse, haje n’ibintu by’ururenda rwinshi. Ese hari uba yayikozeho ? Uko niko no ku muntu byikora, ururenda mu gitsina rukaza, ugakora imibonano nta kibazo ufite. »

Nk’uko uyu mwarimu abivuga rero, ni uko bimeze. Hari imisemburo ikora akazi ko gutuma umugore aba umugore wizihiye urugo. Kwambara rero ntibikiri ngombwa kuko ubu dufite amakariso atwambika. Gushyukwa, kunyara, kwizihirwa, byose bituruka ku ngano y’imisemburo umugore aba afite mu mubiri ntabwo bituruka ku kuba yarakunnye cyangwa se atarakunnye.

Reka nkubwire ko abagore bagera muri 80% banyara cyangwa bakishima bazana ururenda rwinshi mu gitsina ruryoshya imibonano bakubiwe kuri rugongo (clitoris) ntago ari ku mishino. Abandi nabo hafi 20% bakaryoherwa muri ubwo buryo ari uko igitsina gabo kinjiye imbere (gucumita). Ibuka ko na kera na kare ba mukagatare (abagore batagira ububobere mu gitsina) bahozeho kandi barakunnye. Iyo ubwo bubobere utabugira nturyoshya kandi nawe nturyoherwa mu mibonano, waba warakunnye cyangwa se utarakunnye ; kimwe n’uko iyo ugira ububobere buhagije mu gutsina uryoshya byanze bikunze, waba warakunnye cyangwa se utarakunnye.

Gukuna rero, ntago ari ngombwa habe na mba kugirango umugore yizihire urugo.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ni gute wakwerekana ukwiyizera imbere y’inkumi?

twandikire kuri masegallican@gmail.com



Iyo uganiriye na bamwe mu basore b’iki gihe usanga baba bimyoza ngo “wapi shahu, abakobwa b’ubu nta rukundo bakigira, basigaye bikundira cash…” Bishatse kuvuga ko umusore utari umunyamafaranga nta mukobwa yabona. Ibi bituma abahungu bamwe bicara bakituriza bakumva ko kugira umukobwa w’inshuti ntacyo bitwaye, kuko amategeko y’umukino yahindutse.

Nyamara n’ubwo bigaragara ko hari abakobwa bamwe bagaragaza umururumba w’amacash (nta banga ririmo, uvuze ko nyirurugo yapfuye siwe…), kuvuga ko ariyo baheraho yonyine bakunda abahungu ni ukwibeshya cyane, ni nko koroshya ibintu ugashinja abantu bose ikosa rimwe. Ni n’urwitwazo…

Niba uri umusore, hari ibintu wakora ugakurura inkumi (nyinshi cyane) nk’umurobyi uzamura ifi n’iyo waba udasa na Meddy cyangwa Will Smith, n’iyo waba udafite amakamyo ajya Mombasa cyangwa etaje muri Matheus…Ibyo bintu ni byinshi, uwabivuga bwacya, hari n’ababyandikaho ibitabo bikagurishwa cyane, ariko icya mbere ni ukwiyizera.

Musore, niba utiyizera, ngo wiyemere (si ukwirarira mvuga) ntugirengo hari uzakwemera. Uretse n’abakobwa, n’abahungu bagenzi bawe bakubona nk’umuntu udafatika…Gusa twese ntitwaremwe kimwe, ariko niyo waba wigirira isoni hari uko wabigenza ukagaragara inyuma nk’uwiyizeye. Ibyo nibyo bita body language cyangwa language du corps.

Ubundi iyo uvugana n’abantu cyangwa uhura nabo, hari message ubaha kubera ukuntu uba ureba cyangwa ugaragara inyuma, iyo niyo body language. Ku musore rero, uko ugaragara bifite akamaro cyane imbere y’inkumi cyangwa y’undi muntu uwariwe wese.

Uko wabigenza

Niba winjiye ahantu cyangwa uri kugenda mu nzira, genda wemye, agatuza (uko kangana kose) kareze imbere ariko udakabije na none. Huza amaso n’abantu bose muhuye, cyane cyane ab’igitsina gore (ibi ntibivuze ko ugomba kurebuzwa, shyiramo discipline, wikabya).

Nuhuza amaso n’umukobwa ubona ko ari mwiza, murebe kugeza igihe arebeye hasi (indoro yawe igomba kuba iri relaxed nk’aho ari ibisanzwe, nta munya urimo). Ibi bizaguha imbaraga nyinshi ku buryo uzagenda ubimenyera, wumve ko uri umuntu ukomeye; hagati aho nukurizamo kwirata ni akazi kawe, uzasubizwa hasi…

- Jya ugenda buri gihe witonze, udaca ibiti n'amabuye. Abagore bakunda umuntu uri in control, ugaragaza ko ibintu byose nta kibazo bimuteye. Abagize amahirwe yo kureba James Bond (umugabo w’icyitegererezo mu kureshya abagore, n’ubwo atabaho bwose) mujye mureba uburyo yinjira ahantu yitonze, agakora ibintu byose yitonze,keretse wenda iyo bari kumutera amabombe… ;

Niba uri kugenda, itonde ushyire ukuguru imbere y'ukundi kandi urebe imbere. Niba ugiye kwicara, fata igihe cyanwe cyose, wikwiceka mu ntebe...Ibi ariko ntibivuze ko ugomba kuba akanyamasyo.

- Jya ugira urugwiro ku bantu bose, useke, ntuzinge umunya: ibi bizagaragaza ko nta bwoba ufite, kandi ko uri umuntu uri cool wibitsemo ubukungu. Uretse n’abagore, umuntu ugira urugwiro yishimirwa na bose, kandi bakamubona nk’uwiyizeye;


- Jya ureba abantu mu maso: nigeze kubivugaho, ariko ni ingenzi cyane. Niba usuhuje umukobwa cyangwa ugiye umusanga, murebe mu maso. Huza nawe amaso (contact visuel/eye contact) igihe cyose muri kumwe (ewana, wireba mu gatuza cyangwa ku munwa we). Ariko nanone numureba wiyaturumbura cyangwa ngo umurebe nabi, kuko aho waba uri umukozi wa Al Qayda aho kuba umu dragueur (player).

- Garagara nk’umuyobozi aho uri hose: abagore cyangwa abakobwa bakunda abantu bagaragara nk’abayobozi (leaders). Si ngombwa ko uba uyobora umurenge cyangwa kompanyi ikomeye, kuko ushobora kuba uyiyobora kandi nta kiranga ubuyobozi wigirira (leader's mindset). Kuba umuyobozi ni ukwerekana ko uzi icyo gukora muri ako kanya, kandi ugahita ugikora. Abakobwa bafite ukuntu bareba ibintu ako kanya ku buryo mu bahungu 5 bari kumwe, ashobora guhita abona ukwiye kwitwa leader kubera uburyo aba yitwaye ugereranyije n’abandi…Uwo ni wawundi ukora ibintu gahoro yitonze, akavuga atazamura ijwi, kandi bikagaragara ko abandi bamuteze amatwi.

- Niba ubonye umukobwa mwiza ugashaka kumuvugisha, bikore: nko mu birori, hari umusore uhagarara mu nguni akareba inkumi imwe ijoro ryose rikarangira nta jambo ayivugishije, agataha yicuza impamvu atabikoze…Niba udashaka kumera gutyo rero, igihe cyose ushakiye kuvugisha umukobwa, haguruka ugende umuvugishe cyangwa umusuhuze.

Ubundi icyiza ni uko ugomba kubikora nyuma y’amasegonda 4 ukibitekereza, iyo arenze utangira kuvuga ngo “ariko ndinze nkubitwa indobo…” ukabireka ukisubirira mw' irigara ry’abagenzi wa mugani w’umurundi. Nutinyuka ukabikora kenshi bizatuma icyizere cyizamuka wumve ko ari ibisanzwe.

Niba ufata abakobwa nk’ibigirwamana bizakugora kwiyizera imbere yabo. Banza wumve ko ari abantu, kandi bakenera kumenyana n’abantu ndetse no kuganira nabo. Numufata nk’ikigirwamana azahita abibona (buri mukobwa yigiramo radar ireba abanyabwoba) aguhe agaciro nk’ak’isarabwayi…Abakobwa nabo ni abantu, wasanga nawe aba ashaka ko umuvugisha yiraje i Nyanza, ariko ntuzategereze ko abikubwira... Ni inshingano zawe nk’umuntu w’umugabo gutera intambwe ya mbere, nibyo biranga aba leaders. Nutabikora hazaza undi mutipe agukorane, usigare uririra mu myotsi.



Monday, April 26, 2010

Ese urukundo rurambye ruracyabaho? cyangwa urukundo = Amafaranga ?


Iki ni ikibazo cyibazwa na buri muntu wese aho ari ku isi , ariko cyane cyane hano iwacu mu Rwanda aho hasigaye haradutse byinshi cyane bituma buri muntu asigaye avuga ko urukundo rutabaho. Iyo ubajije abasheshe akanguhe bakubwira ko urukundo ari ikintu cyiza kandi gifasha mu buzima. Umwe aherutse kuvuga ati " Agakecuru kanjye tumaranye imyaka 40 karankunda nanjye nkagakunda " bivuze ko muri iyo myaka 40 babanye neza mu rukundo. Nubwo baca umugani mu kinyarwanda ngo ntazibana zidakomanya amahembe. Urubyiruko rero rwo hano hanze ntirubikozwa ko urukundo rubaho, ibi bikaba ari zimwe mu ngaruka z'ibyo baba babona hanze hano bigenda biba ku ba stars. Umusore mu minsi ishize yaganiye na mugenzi we ati shahu nkubwire njye mbona Tiger ari umugabo kabisa ntakuntu wakwizirika ku kantu kamwe ngo wumve uryohewe, ibi byahise byakirwa na mugenzi we kandi ubona ko abyishimiye cyane , aho we yamusubizaga ko nawe ariyo nzira yayobotse akaba abona bigenda , nuko amasomo aba aratangiye. Ikibabaje si ku ruhande rw'abahungu gusa usanga batemera ko urukundo rubaho, kuko no ku bakobwa naho usanga ari uko. Ibi bikaba nabyo bigaragarira mu ngero ngiye kubaha.Kera nkiri mu mashuri yisumbuye bamwe mu bakobwa bajyaga banganira ko ku bwabo bumva umugabo udafite agafaranga ntacyo bavugana, Ibi najyaga ngirango ni imikino ariko nyuma naje gusanga ariko bimeze, kuko hanze aha umukobwa muvugana wambaye neza kandi ufite agafaranga. Iyo ubashije kumva ibiganiro bamwe muri bashiki bacu baba bavuga iyo week end irangiye wagira ubwoba. Ukumva umwe ngo “Njyewe muri week-end hari ikigabo cyansohokanye ariko shahu naragikuye”, ukabona bose bamukuriye ingofero babyakiriye neza!!! Ibi bikaba byerekana ko bashiki bacu bamwe baba bishakira aho agafaranga kari kandi bakamenya kuba bikozeho bambaye neza. Hari uwigeze kunganiriza ambwira ko atabona ubwiza afite adakuye. Nahise mubaza niba yemera urukundo , yansubije byihuse ko kuri we urukundo ari amafaranga. Aha twakwibaza niba amafaranga = Urukundo ? Iki akaba ari ikibazo gikomeye gusubiza kandi gishyira benshi mu gihirahiro, aho baba badashobora kugira inshuti kubera uko bahagaze cyangwa se izo bafite zibaryarya kubera icyo bafite. Si mu rubyiruko gusa kuko no mu basheshe akanguhe iki kibazo gisigaye kihaba kandi kikaba kimaze kuba inkeke. Ujya kumva ukumva abasore barateruye bari kuganira bati " komera sha ngo wa musaza ugenda muri Benz niwe wakwatse copine wawe.” Byumvikana ko uwo mukobwa aba agiye ku muntu umuruta ushobora no kuba amubyaye. Aba basheshe akanguhe nabo nyuma yo kubona ko bahagurukiwe bakaba barize zimwe mu ngamba zikomeye , aho usanga umugabo wiyubashye w'imyaka 60 yasohokanye n'umunyeshuli uri kuramgiza Kaminuza w'imyaka 24. Ibi bikaba bimaze iminsi bigaragara cyane hano mu Rwanda. Aha nkaba nasoza mbwira urubyiruko ko urukundo rukiriho kandi ruzahoraho , igikomeye ni ukubasha gutoranya urufite mu baba baza bagusanga. Ikindi ni uko amafaranga n’ubwo ari ngombwa mu buzima, ntaho ahuriye n'urukundo na gato.

Posted by Gallican Masengesho at Monday, April 26, 2010
Labels: le Fantaisiste



Friday, March 26, 2010

INTAMBWE 13 ZO GUSOMANA N'UMUKUNZI WAWE

posted on Mar , 21 2010 at 10H 32min 16 sec viewed 7824 times




Gusomana ni uburyo bwo kuvuga ibyo udashobora kwatuza amagambo! Muri iyi nkuru rero ikigamijwe si ugushishikariza abantu gusomana, gusa ntawakwirengagiza ko hariho ababikunda batari bake kandi bakeneye kugira icyo babimenyaho; niyo mpamvu twahisemu kubibabwira.

Ku muntu utarasomana ho na rimwe yumva gusomana bigoye. Ariko kandi ni byo. Gusoma umugore, umukobwa cyangwa umuhungu bwa mbere ntibyoroshye. Kubibona mu mashusho biroroshye, ariko kubishyira mu bikorwa ni ikindi kibazo. Iyi nkuru irakugezaho uburyo wakwitwara mu buryo bwo gusomana.

1. Ntabwo ugomba gusoma umukunzi wawe gusa ari uko mugiye guhuza igitsina. Gusomana bigomba gukorwa buri gihe nk'ikimenyetso cy'urukundo mufitanye.

2.Kugira ngo utigora mu gusomana, wikwishyiramo ibitekerezo byinshi byo gusomana nka kanaka wabonye cyangwa wumvise. Soma umukunzi wawe mu buryo busanzwe kandi bworoshye, umwereka ko umukunze.

3. Mbere y'uko usoma umukunzi wawe cyangwa undi muntu, ugomba kumenya niba abishaka. Ushobora kubimusaba cyangwa ukareba ibimenyetso byerekana ko agushaka nko kuba arimo kukwegera cyane cyangwa akumwenyurira ku buryo ubona ko agukunze.



4. Ntugatamire umunwa wose w'umukunzi wawe. Abagore ntibakunda umuntu ubasoma ku buryo iminwa itoha cyane.

5. Ntugakomeze iminwa yawe. Jya ureka iminwa yorohe. Ntugafunge iminwa yawe. Ugusoma agomba kumva iminwa yawe yoroshye, yirekuye kandi ishimishije, imutegereje.

6.Abagore benshi bakunze gusomwa banakorwa mu misatsi. Ntukibagirwe gukora mu misatsi y'umugore wawe cyangwa undi mukunzi.

7.Ntabwo ari ngombwa ko ukoresha ururimi kugira ngo gusomana biryohe. Gusomana kwinshi kuryoha ntigukoresha ururimi.

Gukoresha ururimi(French Kiss) biraryoha, ariko iyo umuntu abisobanukiwe neza. Niba utabisobanukiwe, byihorere gusomesha iminwa biraryoha na byo.

8. Iyo umaze kumenyerana n'umukunzi wawe ushobora kugerageza uburyo bwo gusomana bwabashimisha mwembi.

9.Ntugasuzugure gusomana: Ni ubryo bwo kuvuga ibyo udashobora kwatuza amagambo, ni ukumubwira ko umukunda kandi ko wifuza ko muba umwe. Abagabo benshi babona ko gusomana ari inzira ifite aho ibaganisha-ku gitsina. Ni byiza kubaha gusoma ukabikora ubikunze, iyo umugore abibonye ashobora kugusaba ko mujya mu yindi ntera.

10. Ni byiza gusomana uhumirije:



Ushobora gutangira gusomana ukanuye, ariko iyo iminwa imaze gukoranaho ni byiza gufunga amaso kuko bituma wibagirwa byose ugatekereza gusa ku gikorwa uba urimo. Abantu bakunze kuvuga ko niba umugabo arimo kugusoma areba ataba akwitayeho. Ni byo. Nuramuka urimo gusomana n'umuntu ukabona arakanuye uzamenye ko utamuba mu mutima!

11. Mbese urashaka ko agusoma? Mwegere. Umusekere, umurebe mu maso aho kureba hirya cyangwa hasi. Wikwipfumbata ahubwo irekure.


Mwegere, murebe, iyoroshye......

Ugomba kwerekana ibimenyetso by'uko ushaka ko agusoma . Ku bagore, niba wifuza ko umugabo agusoma ugomba kwicara umwegereye kandi umureba. Niba muhagaze ntugomba kumutera umugongo. Ahubwo uramwegera ukamureba mu maso!

Ushobora kumusaba ko agufungira neza iherena cyangwa akurebera niba urunigi rwawe rufunze neza! Kugira ngo abikore bisaba ko akuzengurutsa amaboko icyo gihe uhita umureba mu maso uteretse amaso ukamuhamagara mu izina n'akajwi koroshye. Ntiyabura kugusoma.

12. Gusomana n'igitsina bihurira he? Iyo musomanye cyane hari igihe muba mwumva mushatse kujya ku yindi ntera. Si byiza ko mujya mu yindi ntera mutabyiteguye, kubera ingaruka ziterwa no guhuza ibitsina bitateguwe. Ni byiza guhitamo gusomanira ahantu byatuma mudashobora guhuza ibitsina nko mu busitani bwa rusange cyangwa muri film. Gusomana mwicaye ku buriri akenshi bivamo guhuza igitsina.

13.Gira isuku! Ugomba koza mu kanwa kandi ukaba uhumura neza!

Posted by Gallican Masengesho at Friday, March 26, 2010
Labels: le Fantaisiste


Saturday, April 3, 2010MENYA UKO WANEZEZA UMUGORE WAWE,TANDUKANYA URUKUNDO NO KURYAMANA
Uburyo wanezeza umugore wawe



Kunezeza umugore wawe ni inshingano z'umugabo kimwe n'uko umugore agomba kwita ku mugabo we. Ikibazo gikunze kubaho ni uko ibinezeza umugore biba bitandukanye cyane n'ibyo umugabo atekereza, bishatse kuvuga ko abagabo benshi bibeshya mu gushaka kunyura abagore babo. Reka muri iyi nyandiko turebe uko bikwiye gukorwa.

Umunyabwenge Sigmund Freud wabayeho mu mwaka w'i 1856 kugeza mu mwaka w'1939, benshi bakunze kumusanga mu bitabo bitandukanye by'ubumenyamuntu (psychologie), ajya kurangiza ubuzima bwe, yagize ati “maze imyaka mirongo 30 nshakisha icyanyura umugore, ariko na nubu sindabasha gusubiza icyo kibazo. Mbese ni nde wambwira ikinyura umugore, akumva anezerewe?” Ushobora kwibwira uti hari kera, ariko ikibazo aho gukemuka, iyo witegereje, ubona kigenda kiyongera kuko muri iki gihe hari imvugo yateye ngo “zirara zishya, bwacya zikazima”. Aha kandi, ikigaragara ni uko bamwe mu bagabo bitotomba ngo abagore babo bashakira kunyurwa ku bandi bagabo, abandi bakabyemeza muri aya magambo ngo “nubona umugore n'umugabo bagenda baseka mu modoka, uzahite umenya ko atari uwe!” . Ariko ugerageje, ugashyira mu bikorwa bimwe mu bintu bigera kuri bitanu tugiye kubabwira, umugore wawe ntiyazarota areba ku ruhande, yewe keretse aka ya kamere bavuze ngo idakurwa na reka.

Kubemera Bibiliya yera, hari umurongo ugira ngo “Namwe bagabo ni uko, mubane n'abagore banyu, mwerekane ubwenge mu byo mubagirira kuko bameze nk'inzabya zidahwanije namwe gukomera, kandi mububahe… (1 Petero3: 7). Iyo ukomeje ugasoma, usanga umwanzuro w'ibi byanditswe ugaragaza ko iyo umugabo yerekana ubwenge ku mugore we, akamwubaha, akibuka ko ari impano ye ikomeye, ngo nta kabuza amasengesho ye ntazagira inkomyi ndetse no gusubizwa azasubizwa. Biratangaje cyane kubona ukuntu Bibiriya ipimira gusubizwa kw'amasengesho y'umugabo ikurikije uburyo anyura umugore we!

Uburyo bwa mbere rero bwo kunezeza uwo mwashakanye, mu yandi magambo umugore wawe, harimo kumutega amatwi. Ibyo bishatse kuvuga iki? Biravuze ngo umugabo yihatira kumva umugore we, amufashe mu byo akeneye, kuko, ibyo akeneye bityo bimutera kunyurwa mu buzima bwe. Umugabo agomba kumenya no kumva neza ibigoye umugore we, ibimubabaje, ibimushimishije kandi ibyo bisaba umugabo kubishyiraho umutima, akabyitaho kuko bidashoboka ko wanyura umugore wawe utazi ibyo akeneye.

Uburyo bwa kabiri ni ukubana nawe cyangwa se kuba hamwe nawe, bivuze gusangira byose. Aha harimo gufata igihe cyo kuba umugabo ari kumwe n'umugore we kuko rimwe na rimwe hari abagabo batabana n'abagore babo, mu by'ukuri, abenshi muri bo ni abafite akazi gakomeye, umunsi ushira undi ugataha, icyumweru kikarangira, ikindi kigatangira batabonana. Ni koko gukora ushakisha amafaranga yo kuzatunga urugo si bibi ariko ngo ikintu cyose kigira umwanya wacyo. Ibyo kandi akenshi byerekana ko bamwe mu bagabo batazi neza icyo kubana n'umugore bishakiye bivuga, kuko bitavuze kurarana ku buriri bumwe, kugendera mu modoka imwe, si no gutahana amakwe, yemwe, si no gusangirira ku meza amwe ahubwo birenze ibyo. Bivuga gukina nawe, kuruhuka hamwe, kunezezanya,…

Uburyo bwa gatatu ni ukubaha umugore. Mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe n'abahanga batandukanye bazobereye mu bijyanye n'ubumenyamuntu bashaka kumenya igituma abagore bamwe batiyubaha. Icya mbere babonye kibitera ngo ni ukutubahwa n'umugabo wamushatse. Uko umugabo yitwara ku mugore we cyangwa se uko amwitaho ni nako umugore we yiyubaha. Iyo witegereje umugore uwo ari we wese, ubona neza uko umugabo we amuvugisha, uko amufata, uko amukunda cyangwa se amwitaho. Ibyo kandi umuntu abibonera ku buryo umugore yivugaho, ku gaciro yiha n'ibindi.

Uburyo bwa kane ni uguha umugore wawe urukundo. Umugore uwo ari we wese akeneye urukundo rw'umugabo we, akeneye guteteshwa. Burya nk'uko twakomeje tubigarukaho, umugore ntamera nk'umugabo. Ni nk'aho abeshwaho n'urukundo umugabo we amukunda. Ibyo bigaragarira ha handi aba ashaka ko amusubiriramo buri mwanya ko umukunda. Naho yaba abibona ko ntako utagira, aba ashaka ko ukomeza kujya ubimubwira, hejuru y'ibyo ukongeraho imitoma ariko ikibabaje ni uko ibyo bisa nk'aho binanira abagabo cyane cyane, Abanyarwanda kuko mu muco wabo bakunda gusharira, gutontoma babwira nabi abagore babo ndetse bakagaragaza igitugu mu ngo zabo ! Nyamara baba bihenze ubwenge kuko ibanga rikomeye ari uko umugabo yarushaho guha umugore we urukundo, kuko umugore arushaho kwiyumvamo umunezero no kugira agaciro.

Itandukaniro riri hagati y'urukundo no kuryamana

Kenshi abantu bakunze kwitiranya urukundo (affection) no kuryamana. Nyamara ni ibintu bibiri bitandukanye. Inzobere zakoze ubushakashatsi zibaza ingo nyinshi, zabonye abagabo benshi icyo zibitekerezaho: kuri bo, urwo urukundo (affection), ni urubanziriza igikorwa cyo kuryamana. Ariko ku bagore, bo babona ngo ari ibintu bibiri bitandukanye cyane. Umugabo avuga ko atanyuzwe mu kuryamana kwe n'umugore we, mu gihe umugore we atanyurwa mu kwerekwa urukundo (affection) umugabo we. Ni byiza ko umugabo atakwikakaza mu rgo rwe ngo yigire intare. Yego ni ngombwa kuyoborana igitsure bibaye ngombwa, atari ibya buri munsi, ariko ngo si byiza kwitwara nk'intare imbere y'umugore wawe. Zimwe mu nzira umugabo yakoresha yereka urukundo (affection) umugore we harimo imvugo nziza n'amagambo meza aho bibaye ngombwa yaririmbira umugore we. Harimo kandi gukorera umugore bimwe mu bikorwa bimwereka ko iyo batari kumwe aba amutekereza nko kumworohereza ubutumwa bugufi kuri telefoni (abazifite), bwereka umugore ko amukumbuye. Byaba byiza rimwe na rimwe umugabo agiye aha umugore we indabo cyangwa se ururabo. Umugabo ntakwiye gutinya umugore we. Ntibikwiye kubona umugabo n'umugore bagendana mu muhanda umwe bajya ahantu hamwe, ariko, umwe ari imbere undi ari inyuma, kandi bagombye kugendana. Ahubwo mu gihe bari kumwe mu muhanda, umugabo n'umugore baba bagomba gufatana ikiganza kuko nta soni biteye. Abagabo benshi batabikora bemeza ko iyo umugabo akoze ibi nakomeje mvuga (gutetesha umugore we, gufatana ibiganza bagenda…) bavuga ko bamuhaye inzaratsi !

Abagore boroherwa no kuvuga

Ikindi tutakwibagirwa kuvuga ni uko ahantu bikunda gupfira ari ukwibagirwa ko abagore boroherwa no kuvuga (communication). Ni byiza ko abagabo babimenya, ntibabifate nk'uburondogozi, kubatesha umwanya cyangwa se kwitetesha. Niba ushaka kumenya ikintu kirusha ibindi, gituma umugore yiyubaha, agira icyizere, ni ukuba azi ko umugabo we afata umwanya wo kumwumva kandi agaha agaciro ibitekerezo atanze. Niba muri kuganira ku by'ubuzima bwanyu, wisuzugura ibyo umugore ashaka, kandi umwereke ko ubihaye agaciro, ibyo bizatuma ahinduka neza.

Uburyo bwa gatanu ni uko umugore akeneye kuganira n'umugabo we ndetse no kubwizwa ukuri. Umugabo wese akwiye kugira igihe cyo gusabana n'umugore we, bakaganira, bakungurana ibitekerezo ndetse bagaseka. Umugabo akumva udukuru umugore amufitiye : ese mu nzira yahabonye iki ? Ku kazi byamugendekeye bite ?

Abahanga bakoze ubushakashatsi ku bakobwa bakiri bato ndetse no ku bagore bakuze ; maze basanga kuvuga biboroheye. Ngo n'iyo umugore adafite uwo avugisha, ngo akunze kwivugisha ugereranije n'abagabo. Uko niko bimeze si uwawe wasaze kandi si bibi namba. Ikibi ni ukutubahiriza iyo kamere yabo. Abo bahanga kandi bafashe abana b'imyaka ibiri kugeza kuri ine b'ibitsina byombi basanga abakobwa amajwi yose abasohokamo aba agamije kuganira ariko abahungu 60% gusa ari yo agamije kuganira. 40 % asigaye baba bigana uko imodoka ihinda, urusaku rw'imbunda,…

Buri kanya, umugore aba ashaka kuganira. Ganiriza umugore wawe rero, amenye ibyo utekereza, imishinga yawe ndetse amenye n'ibikubabaje. Ibyo bizamutera kumva anyuzwe cyane kuko ibi nibitaba, uzasanga umugore yita umugabo we amazina amwe n'amwe ateye inkeke, Patoro, Papa Kanaka, nyirurugo Giti mu jisho, Data buja, …

Ibi ngo biterwa nuko umugore we ari umunyamahanga kuri we, atamenya uko atekereza, ntamenye ibimubamo. Ku byerekeranye no kubwiza umugore we ukuri ngo bituma amenya ibiri mu ndiba y'umutima w'umugabo we. Kandi abifitiye uburenganzira, nta mwari ukwiye kubimuvutsa kuko umugore akwiye kumenya umugabo we kurusha undi uwo ari we wese, kabone naho byaba ari amafuti y'uwo barushinganye kandi ikindi abagabo bakwiye kumenya ni uko niba batabwiye abagore babo ukuri bizatera kutabizera. Ni biba bityo bizagora umugabo kunezeza uwo bashakanye. Iri ni ipfundo rikomeye. Uzegere umusaza n'umukecuru basazanye maze ubabaze ibanga bakoresheje ngo basazane. Ikintu cya mbere bazagusubiza ni ukubwizanya ukuri no gushyira hamwe. Niba ubeshya umugore wawe cyangwa ugira ibyo umuhisha, ntiwibeshye ngo ushobora kumunezeza. Ese umugore wawe azi umutungo wawe uko ungana? Umushahara wawe se? Azi se uko uwukoresha? Ibyo utunze azi aho wabikuye? Erega ni agahomamunwa! Hari abagore babimenyera mu irimbi batangiye kuraga ibyo umugabo asize!

Mu gusoza, ntawakwibagirwa kuvuga ko umugore akeneye guhahirwa no gushyigikirwa. Abagabo bamwe ntibanyumve nabi kuko uretse ijambo ry'Imana, amategeko y'u Rwanda nayo avuga ko umugabo ari we ugomba guhahira urugo. Sinshaka kuvuga ko bibaye ngombwa inshingano zo guhaha n'umugore atazigira, bashobora kuzifatanya ariko ni umugabo bireba cyane cyane. Niba kandi umugabo atagira akazi, agomba kwerekana ubwenge akereka umugore we ko atekereza kuri ejo hazaza. Akirinda kuremerera umugore we ngo yumve ko ari we uzahora yikoreye umutwaro wo guhahira urugo. Bitabaye ibyo, kabiri, gatatu, umugore yazasuzugura wa mugabo we. Umugabo yibuke ko akwiye kurinda umugore we, ibyo bizatuma amenya ko ubuzima bwe busigasiwe. Urugero ni nko kumurinda abo mu muryango wawe bamurwanya. Niyo yaba ari umukene, umugabo niyige kubwira neza umugore yizera ko afite ejo hazaza heza kandi ubuzima bwe buguwe neza.
Posted by Gallican Masengesho at Saturday, April 03, 2010
Labels: le Fantaisiste